Times It Felt Like Achievements Were Made Just To Taunt Me

It really shouldn't surprise anyone to learn that I love to play video games. There are so many unique games to play, and so many achievements to earn. With all that said, I'm never going to claim to be a video game expert or a pro gamer, especially when it comes to accomplishments in games.

Everyone loves getting a difficult achievement or a trophy, but sometimes it feels like they were made just to poke a bit of fun right at me. Sure, anyone can get the achievement in question, but sometimes it feels personal, like the developer wanted me to know I would either never get an achievement or that I was so bad that I deserved a consolation prize.

10 Weaksauce – Blitz: The League

While I'm not the biggest fan of the yearly sports titles, I do love it when sports games crank their brutality up a notch. Few series blend fun sports gameplay with brutal joy as well as both NHL Hitz and Blitz: The League.

I'm not always the best at sports games, and Blitz: The League has me more focused on making some brutal plays, thanks to that, I once received the achievement Weaksauce. How do you get it? You get it for losing the first game in the campaign mode. Yes, I am weaksauce.

9 F In Chemistry – Payday 2

On the surface, the F In Chemistry Achievement doesn't seem like a big deal because you get it when you blow up a lab during a heist. The reason it feels like it taunts me specifically is that you actually have to do some chemistry to progress.

Sure, you get some fairly clear instructions on how to not blow up the entire operation, but do you think I have time to listen while I'm in the midst of the action? It would be like telling me what wire to cut while defusing a bomb, I know I'm gonna cut what feels right in my soul and hope there isn`t a big kaboom.

8 Getting My Ass Kicked – God Of War Collection

Anyone who's played the original run of God Of War games knows how brutally difficult they can be in different sections. Who could forget those flashback-inducing bladed spiral pillars you have to climb in the first game?

The issue is that if you're as bad as I am, no, unfortunately, I haven't gotten good, you might get the Getting My Ass Kicked trophy. You get it for dying enough times that the game asks if you want to lower the difficulty. I get it God Of War devs, I'm bad, you didn't need to rub it in.

7 Messiah – Outlast 2

Rather than this achievement acting as one that taunts me when I somehow screw up to get it to pop, this achievement is one that only the best players can ever hope to get. Playing Outlast 2 is already a nope-filled experience, and playing it on the hardest difficulty just makes it more dreadful.

The terrifying game also makes sure you can't replenish the batteries in your camera, essentially leaving you stumbling blindly through quite a bit of the game. It taunts me because I'll never get it. I don't have the nerves of a pro gamer jacked up on G-Fuel, so it's just impossible for me.

6 Go Outside – The Stanley Parable

To be fair, the Go Outside achievement is no longer one that taunts me to my core, but it was one that did that for years. Anyone who played the surprising hit knows that it's full of sass and an achievement that wouldn't pop for five years is a perfect example of that sass.

I didn't have to do anything special to get it, I just had to wait five years. Sure, this was a big internet thing and everyone had to wait, but for me, it felt personal, like the developers knew I'd put far too much time into exploring every inch of the game. Of course, now there's the expanded Super Go Outside, but let's just not talk about that soul-crushing achievement.

5 This Is Dark Souls – Dark Souls 2

Everyone knows that when you start up a Dark Souls game, you are going to die a lot. Not to brag, but of all the games I could be good at, I'm somehow quite good at the Dark Souls games. I breezed through the original, believing myself to be some kind of gaming god, but that changed when Dark Souls 2 came.

It's a great game, fantastic even, but it does feel noticeably different to play when compared to other entries in the series. Thanks to that, I took my first death far earlier than I'd care to admit. Sure, most people met the same fate, but the achievement you get on your first death was just a big old taunt.

4 How Do You Like Them Apples? – Assassin’s Creed 3

Anyone who likes the Assassin's Creed series will probably share in the pain that I felt the first time this achievement popped up on the screen. It is paired with a fairly serious story moment in the game, one that I doubt anyone saw coming.

How do you get it? You get it naturally through the story, but the taunt comes from the nature of it. The question-based achievement pops up after you learn you've been playing as a templar up to that point in the game. I don't like them apples.

3 The Call Of Nature – The Last Guardian

Few achievements are as strange as The Call Of Nature from The Last Guardian. It is another simple one, but that doesn't make it any less strange. You have to sit there, wait, and watch Trico, well, answer the call of nature.

A game forcing me to watch a creature go to the bathroom is not something I ever thought would happen. Even worse, it happens at random, and some have said they didn't even know it was a possible thing to see. Poor Trico, I think we all deserve a little privacy when it's time for a number two.

2 Snake Beater – Metal Gear Solid 2

This entire achievement feels like one big cruel joke from the developers. I want that achievement, but I just don't have the will to do what I need to in order to trigger it. Basically, you need to make Snake take some time to appreciate the more primal things in life.

There is a somewhat-lewd poster of a woman hidden in one of the game's lockers, and you must simply stare at it in first-person. Once Snake is rather excited by the sight, you need to call Otacon to share your experience and the whole thing is one hilariously uncomfortable mess.

1 Turd Burglar – Duke Nukem Forever

Anyone looking to get every achievement for Duke Nukem Forever will find themselves doing some strange things in their pursuit. One of the absolute strangest is required to pop the Turd Burglar achievement.

There's no way to sugarcoat it, you have to find and then steal a literal piece of crap. As far as achievements go, it kinda stinks, but it feels like the developers are laughing at me. Go on, pick up that turd and run around with it, you want that achievement, don't you? Yes, yes I do.

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