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It’s no big secret that moms and dads parent differently — but a newly-released report from Pew Research Center is showing us exactly how differently we parent (and how differently it affects us!), and it’s a fascinating glimpse into the modern parenting dynamic. The study surveyed nearly 4,000 parents with kids under 18 from all walks of life (according to Pew, their surveys are “weighted to be representative of the U.S. adult population by gender, race, ethnicity, partisan affiliation, phentermine 37.5 what to eat education and other categories”).

The first difference is in how moms and dads describe their own parenting styles. Dads in general admit to a more laid-back style; 38% of them describe themselves as “overprotective,” compared to just over half (51%) of mothers describing themselves the same way. More dads than moms also say they lean toward giving their kids too much freedom (24% vs. just 16% of moms). However, more moms are pushovers (we’re suckers for our babies’ puppy-dog eyes … or maybe just too tired to argue): 40% of moms said they give in too quickly to their kids, while just 27% of dads said the same.

Raising kids is a rough gig no matter who you are, right? Well, sort of. While the majority of parents — 62% — have found that parenting has been a bit harder than they expected, roughly a quarter (26%) say it’s been a lot harder than anticipated. And when we break down that last little bit, guess which parent was more likely to answer that it was “a lot harder”? That’s right — moms.

Regardless of how hard it is, most parents (64%) gave themselves an “excellent” or “very good” rating when it came to assessing their parenting skills; only 4% self-assessed as “fair” or “poor.” And of the parents who gave themselves a good rating, moms and dads were about equally likely to give themselves a pat on the back.

Pretty much every parent has encountered a Judgy McJudgerson along their parenting journey (people who cast wicked side-eye when toddlers melt down at Target, I’m lookin’ at you), but the big surprise in this study was where the parenting judgments were coming from.

“About half of married or cohabiting parents (52%) say they feel judged by their spouse or partner for how they parent their children at least some of the time, with 18% saying they feel this way always or very often,” says the Pew report.

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