This past year has been weird, in that it feels like the Empire Strikes Back of the 2020 Trilogy. But as we approach Christmas, the stress of the world melts away and is replaced with the stress of the world layered on top of the stress of our families. And while some of us might be having smaller holidays due to the recent rise of the Omicron Persei 8 variant, there’s still a good chance that the people we do see will make enjoying the video games you get nearly impossible. And what is Christmas, if not entirely about what you want to do? These tips can help you get out of seeing loved ones for the limited time they’ll remain alive and start gaming fast!
Download Updates for New Consoles
This is really more of a tip for people buying new consoles as gifts for their family! Open it up early and update it so you won’t spend hours on Christmas morning going through the setup process as millions of other people do the same. Of course, there’s a 50-50 chance you won’t actually do this because you’re worried about tearing the box. And you should be. If your kids see that Xbox Series X box torn up, they’re going to know that you don’t care about quality. Enjoy whatever home they put you in.
Download Updates for New Controllers
Yeah, you gotta fucking do this too now. It makes the controllers connect better or maybe rumble differently. Nobody knows; nobody’s ever asked. Either way, it’s gonna take a while.
Charge New Controllers
You didn’t charge the controllers, did you? No problem, you can just play them wired to the console. That way when Uncle Paul walks by, he can accidentally trip on the cord and bring that new PlayStation 5 right down to the floor.
Be Willing to Give Relatives a Chance to Play
It’s easy to get a new video game or video game console and hog all the fun! But remember that everyone likes a good time; one of the best ways to celebrate the fun of gaming is to share it with someone else. And who better to share it with than your cousin who always cries when he loses? You’d think the new Mario Party collection would be easy for him, but nope. There he is, weeping, and there everyone else is, judging you. You even try to intentionally lose to boost the kid’s self-esteem, but the random chance of Mario Party ruined it.
Get Defensive Whenever Your Parents Ask About What You’re Playing
You may be a grown adult, but you can still lose your mind when it sounds like your mom is criticizing you when she asks what you’re playing on your “Game Boy.” It’s a Nintendo Switch, mom. Nintendo. Switch. They haven’t made Game Boys in years, mom. Are you thinking of the Analogue Pocket? Because – hah! – good luck getting your hands on that beauty.
Avoid Peak Online Gaming Periods
With so many people off school and work for the holidays, a lot of fans are playing as much as they can online. But all this traffic can slow down the experience and cause wait times to get into servers for games. Plus, it’s a little hard to run raids in Final Fantasy 14 with your parents poking around. Take our advice and game in the middle of the night. Late. Don’t even have lights on. Just play. Then sleep the whole day. Then wonder what your life has become.
Find a Place Where You Can Game in Peace
One of the biggest mistakes any of us makes is trying to play our games on the primary TV in the house. Whether at your own home or at your parents' house, gaming on the primary television can cause a lot of conflict with relatives who just want to watch basketball or some other shit you don’t care about. Sure, you waited an entire year to get your hands on a glorious gaming experience, and these people watch sports literally every day, but why not let them have all the fun instead. Find a room that’s a bit private and try to get your time in there before they bang on the door and ask if you want to watch a movie.
Don’t Go Home for Christmas
Maybe you’ll actually finish Shin Megami Tensei 5 if you skip it.
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